I took Lainey to her school field trip to the zoo. In years past, I was always bringing Lainey with me as a baby when I attended her older siblings' zoo field trip. This time she was my baby and getting to go for herself. We had fun walking with her friend, Ava and her mom who I adore.
We had a family skype every Monday night from the time we found out that Mom had cancer. One evening in early May, Mom was expressing how hard it was to be so far from her children. I recalled how lovely it was when we had all just been there two weeks before. We helped her, prepared appropriate meals for her, entertained her by keeping her company and playing music for her. Dad was working during the day and April was at school. Mom had just had an episode where her strength failed her as she tried to get out of the bath tub. She couldn't do it. And she was all alone. She called her close friend who lived next door and she was fortunately home and able to come to Mom's aid.
One of the things the hospice nurses educate the families of patients on is the reality of care giver burn out. It happens, not to some, but all families. The more people helping give care, the less extreme the burnout. But where it was all on Dad because April had sports and choir and band and mutual and was very rarely home, it just wasn't a fair situation for anyone to be content. Todd and I offered to have Mom and Dad and April come to our home for a time so that many loved ones could not only help, but to be close to her during scary times when she might be with us only a short time. Dad and April would have rather stayed home, like most anyone would, but they allowed Mom to do what was best for her or what she wanted. And she said that she wanted to come. It was music to my ears. We all wanted to serve her so bad. But it wasn't realistic for any of us to leave our families and jobs for a long time. It was also too costly to travel frequently to Alaska. Fortunately Dad's job is an air traffic control teaching position that has the summers off. And April's school was soon ending as well. They bought the tickets and they would be living in my home in 2 weeks. I knew what it meant. She would not be going back to Alaska. Her friends knew it too. They knew they were saying goodbye to her for the last time.
First item of business, finding Mom a chair. She lived in her green lazy boy style recliner all day long. I shopped for days and days until I found this one that looked almost identical to hers and didn't cost a mortgage. It also had electronic recline which was nice because the one she had at home was getting hard for her to crank the handle with her limited strength.
My sweet mother-in-law, Cindy knew my mom LOVED flowers. And knew I wanted to do something pretty for Mom for her view outside the window her chair would sit by but I don't know the first thing about gardening or flowers. So Cindy bought flowers and soil and brought over a slew of pots she wasn't using and helped me pot a beautiful display for Mom. Mom loved it.
I painted some frames and stapled twine in rows in the center with clothes pins to hang greeting cards for Mom's room. We got her and Dad's room ready with night stands and nicer bedding. We also set up an area in Brielle's room for April to call her own with a twin bed. I white glove cleaned the house, shampooing carpets and scrubbing walls. We were ready.
The night before Mom came, Todd's mom was getting worried about her condition. She was a hospice nurse before she, Todd and Kris started the hospice. She knew it would really take it out of Mom to fly. She offered to fly to Portland where Mom's layer was to help in any way as she and April made the last leg of their flight. She waited at Mom's gate for her to depart her plane in Portland. Mom felt alright that day departing Alaska, but right on cue, getting up off the plane Mom realized she was suddenly very weak and nauseous. Cindy helped her get a bag for throwing up, got cool wet clothes, and held her as she walked. She knew what to do to help mom take her meds and be as comfortable as possible that day. I am forever grateful for her service that day.
These videos of Mom, April, and Lainey doing a tio are precious to me.
Enjoying the sunset.
Getting a pedicure with Mom.
Mom's birthday was only a week after we arrived. She chose to have a pool party at Cindy's house. Rachele and Myla came that weekend as well. Rachele dolled Mom up so cute in her pretty sun hat and a wig and makeup that Rachele had picked out for her and we siblings went in on. Mom sat pool side and watched the fun. Little things like leaveing or being outside very long would wear her out so swimming was just too much for her that day.
She asked for Strawberry Shortcake and I knew she loved it best homemade. My mother in law loaned me her cake pan for it and my sister in law, Jenny taught me the trick to cooling it (in the picture below.) Thanks for saving my bacon, ladies! Mom's lungs were too weak from spreading cancer to blow out 58 candles. So we gave her just one.
I can't remember why Todd had to be on Benedryl but it knocked him out in this picture!
Chicken Dance with Aunt Rachele.
Nap Time.
I reserved Christiansen's Pond for the following week. I originally meant to book it on a weekend when family would be in town, but none of the weekends were available. So Mom, Dad, and April were the only ones with us. I called all my good friends and invited them and their families and most of them were available to come! So we had a blast over there. I set up a canopy tent with insect screens for Mom to sit in. She really really wanted to go and watch. Lots friends enjoyed being with her and talking. It started out cloudy but still hot. It ended up a beautiful day.
Catching minoes and tadpoles.
Marty came to visit the following weekend and joined us to Youth Temple Night.
Mom had many visitors. Some even from Alaska stopped by on their vacations from Alaska to the Utah/Idaho area. All 5 of her siblings came and most of Dad's siblings came (Those in good health). Some came twice. 2 of Dad's sisters, Merilee and Trudy came together to cook and clean for us almost a whole week while Dad had to go back to Alaska to take care of the peony farm. It was such a blessing and came at a point where help was well timed. They were amazing. Everyone came bringing mom hugs, gifts, money, thanking her for the services she rendered them in her life. It was overwhelming in such a beautiful way to see all of the love so many had for her. One cousin who came and stayed with our family in his teen years came to visit her with his fiance. He had gone into the military and fought in Falujia. He'd left the church led a life he wanted to change. He said the time he felt the happiest in his life or the most at peace was when he was living with Mom and Dad and going to church and under their positive influence. It caused him to go back to church and just weeks before he came here to see her, he had been rebaptized. Mom was so proud of him and hugged him and told him how wonderful he was regardless.
Lainey often brought us these "menus" to make us play food meals in her play kitchen.
Scott stayed up in Alaska for the first two months to help take care of the peony farm and take care of the house and dogs. These are pictures of the week that Dad went back up there to plant over 1000 peony plants they had ordered. A group of sweet friends of the family helped all day as well and got it knocked out quickly. Angels, seriously.
Rachele came again, this time for three weeks. Levi, and Marty also came for three weeks. We didn't know it would be that long. Mom had stopped eating and her nurse said she may only have a week. So the siblings came and their bosses told them to stay as long as they needed. Such a blessing.
Levi had an idea for a photo shoot that needed the help of a truck/jeep. We happened to have a jeep. He bought a used couch at the Salvation Army for $30 and took it to the BLM land.
Marty was his subject, reading a paper that he later added a mini version of the picture itself onto the front page. Todd and Devan each had fire extinguishers waiting on the side lines for Levi to snap a picture so they could run and put it out. The fire was lit onto gasoline and it too a half a second for Levi to push the button so Marty could jump up and run. Crazies. The idea of Levi's picture was to point out that too many people read about a burning world they don't realize is happening right in front of them. And that we need to stop reading about it and do something about it. Being completely new to Photoshop, I helped show him how to edit it on my Photoshop to get the look he was intending.
One of the hardest parts of caregiving was that I was less available to my children. They were wonderful about it, however. But I felt guilt that they didn't get much of my attention for a long time. They had play dates over and were invited out. My friends were wonderful at helping in this way. They would also bring in meals when the crowds at the house weren't too big. One friend asked me every week what I could use from Costco when she went there. It was something that always seemed to be perfectly timed for things that I needed. One thing I still allowed for myself during this time was to have my CrossFit friends come work out with me three mornings a week. April and Brielle often helped Mom during that time and then did the same workout together afterward.
Mom always felt the most relief from pain when she took a warm bath. I knew of a beautiful and very "empty" hot spring about an hour away. She opted to make the drive with Dad and I so that she could be in a pool that would feel that way. This is Starky Hot Springs. Children aren't allowed in it and it's in the middle of no where. It is owned by Whole Foods and is the Spring they use to bottle their spring water for their stores. If anyone is every there, it's almost always elderly. So I knew Mom would feel comfortable and less self conscious of the cancer affects on her body. It was great for her- not too hot. Dad loved it too. I loved seeing her so content and happy. And I was so grateful to my friend who had showed me this hot spring the year before during a girls night at her cabin nearby. Our only obstacle in going was that Mom no longer fit her new smaller swim suit. So I loaned her mine. She had shrunk so much.
Levi bridge jumping the Payette bridge. He, Rachel,and Brielle went (Brielle wasn't allowed to jump) to beat the heat.
One afternoon, while Maura, John and I stayed home with Mom and the babies, the crew went tubing down the Payette river that runs several hundred yards from our home. Our friends, the Barlows live on the river and let us take out there to give just the right length of floating.
Levi liked writing on everyone's cups, adding to their name to be devious.
Mom had enjoyed the first hot spring so much that we decided to drive to another one. I miscalculated the time it would take being a Friday with heavy traffic there and road construction to deal with. It took over two hours each way and the drive alone took all of Mom's energy. She didn't want to get in the water. So we layed pillows out across a pool chair/bed for her to rest on. The scenery at Gold Fork Hot Springs is gorgeous. But not really worth that long of a drive. It's best to visit when you're staying in the area.
We are the Stices. We're an LDS family of 5 living in the country in Idaho. My name is Sarah. I enjoy staying home with our 3 children; Brielle, Ashton, and Lainey. My husband, Todd co-owns a hospice here. My blog is my journal of our family's adventures; large and small, good and bad. Between my sports-pro husband and my musical artsy self our family is into just about everything. Above all, we LOVE God and family. Our other favorites subjects are road trips in our motorhome, photography, CrossFit, fitness in general, basketball, soccer, cross country/track, nutrition, hiking and backpacking, trail running, skiing, just being in the outdoors, triathlons, motorcycles, Jeeps, guns and shooting, history, politics, travel, drawing, drafting, reading, concerts, plays, movies, singing, listening to music, guitar, piano, shopping, kid parties, entertaining and just being with friends and family. Why limit the fun?!!
